One Piece Abridged Treasure Episode 2: Draft 5
This is a script that me and my friend (my editor) made during my college years so about 3 years ago. It's not in its final draft so my sense has changed and this was from a time when I really hated 4kids which I know gets in the way of humor but yeah, it's in the past. Enjoy. Warning, this script contains cuss words and crude humor. Warning, this script contains cuss words and crude humor. Warning, this script contains cuss words and crude humor. ONE PIECE ABRIDGED TREASURE EP2 THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE VERY VERY UGLY!!! Script: 5th Draft ' ' Disclaimer:'' ''What?! I’m not saying the disclaimer again! Read it yourself!!! '' ''Wait? YOU’RE BLIND?!! …….Oh, Sorry... theeeennnn, let someone else read it for you….What?! Him too?! Oh come on! Give me a break! '' ''AHHHHH (object thrown breaks glass)'' ''NOT THAT KIND!!!!'' ' ' ' ' Scene: Seagulls flying as the ship passes the whirlpool. The sailors are looking at the whirlpool '' '' '''Sailor1: I see seagulls and a whirlpool! Sailor2: I thought I told you to lay off my marijuana stash! Sailor1: But they’re REALLY 'there! ''Knock! (Luffy’s barrel is slamming against the ship.) ' ' '''Luffy’s barrel: Pick me up! Sailor1: Hey, look! A talking barrel! Sailor2: Now I know you’re hallucinating. Sailor1: I want it!!! (As he tries to catch it with hook on a rope) Got it!!! I am going to name you…Fishcake!!! Sailor2: That’s the most ridiculous name I ever heard!!! Luffy’s barrel: Infiltration success. (he says as they pull him up) Sailor1: How cute! The barrel is pretending to be a spy! (as they hold the barrel) Lookout sailor: Pipe down! Can’t a guy get some shuteye?! Subtitles: Actual 4kids dialogue Sailor2: You were sleeping on the job?! You’re supposed to be on a lookout for pirate ships!, You fucking asshole! Lookout sailor: Relax!!! A pirate ship is not going to….. Alvida’s pirate ship shows up '' '' Oh crap, a pirate ship. Together: PIRATES?!!!　AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! (scared and shocked) As Sailor1 and Sailor2 drops barrel. '' '''Luffy’s barrel:' Who me? His barrel drops. Thump '' '' Luffy’s barrel: OW!!! The sailors run and Alvida’s ship start firing '' '' Intro Sailor2: Captain! Pirates! Sailor1: And they’re coming to take my tortillas. (crickets chirping) Sailor2: How the hell did you get this job?! Salior1: I gave them your stash! Sailor2: What the Fu ' ' BOOM!!!! ''(ship’s mast got hit by an cannonball)WTF bomb reference'' Everyone panics and screams. '' ''Everyone running scene as Nami stands put. Captain: Everyone RUUNNN!!!!!!! Random guy1: But we’re in the middle of ocean! Captain: Run anyway! Scene: Nami’s close-up Random guy2: Why isn’t she running? Subtitles flashing: Main character alert!!! Subtitles: And a cute one too!!! SHE’S MINE!!! Scene: Alvida looking at the attacked ship on her ship. Alvida: WAHAHAHAHA (WTF Bomb laugh) Alvida slams her mace on the ship’s floor '' '' Alvida: Sakura Sakura. Who is the most beautiful woman in the world? (she said as Coby shows signs of fear) Coby: It’s you, of course. Alvida: Yes, I am. Frankenstein: Captain Alvida, forget about that bitch and let’s raid that ship. Henchman looks like Frankenstein. Alvida: You’re right! Go, men! '' '' Alvida’s ship move next to passenger’s ship Her crew is throwing rope with grapping hooks to the passenger ship. They are walking on rope and swinging ropes while yelling like Tarzan to the ship. They landed and started to raid. '' '' Scene: Coby is shaking with fear while hesitating to go to the other ship '' '' Alvida: Sakuraaa!! Why are you being so useless again?!!! Coby: But I can’t do anything! Alvida: Sure you can……You CAN DIE!!! She kicks him to the ship and he slams his face. '' '' Coby: Ow, my faceeee!! '' '' Scene: Pirate surrounded the passengers Frankenstein: Ha ha ha. Give us all of your valuables and no one gets hurt. If you have porn, put that in too! Captain: 'Porn?! You scoundrels!! You should be ashamed of yourselves for even thin- ''Alvida arrives. '' '' '''Captain: You poor souls, Take as much as you want!! Scene: Nami hiding in the next room '' '' Nami: Time for some fan service! She takes off her clothes and had other clothes underneath. '' '' PSYCHE! FoolishMortalFOOL and HyoKinDama: GOD DAMN IT!!! We are speaking as she goes to Alvida’s ship FMF: Oh well. She’s still hot…..HyoKinDama! Put down that video camera!!! HYD: '''If only you put down yours too. '''FMF: All right……. Nami looks out for other people as she tries to open the door until a pirate called Jon opens the door and she goes into a panic pose. '' '''Nami:' Ahhh ahhh (nervous) Jon: Huh. You’re pretty, Will you be my girlfriend? Nami kicks him in the nuts. (crushing nuts sound effect) Narrator: FAIL!!! Jon: My mom did that to me too. (in a weak tone as he falls) Coby is rolling Luffy’s barrel as he mumbles. '' '' Coby: This wine barrel sure is heavy! Oh well! Time to drown my sorrows like a responsible person would do to deal with his severe self-esteem issues. Poppoko(big bandana guy), Peppoko (longhaired blond guy) (That’s their real names), and brown haired guy, Puppoko (Made that name up) are the 3 pirates henchmen of Alvida’s crew who encounters Luffy and Coby. Let’s call them Pop, Pep, and Pup for short. They arrived as they see Coby. '' '' Pop: Sakura! How dare you did not help us. You can’t even do henchmen work, you sorry excuse of a character. Why did the animators even bother designing you? Coby: Not at all. I was just getting booze. Pop: Thanks, we’ll take it from here. Pep: Party!!! Pop: It’s heavy. It must be strong wine. No matter. A strong wine requires a FALCON PUNCH!!!! to open it. (He cracks his knuckles) Pop stares at barrel as scenes switch from Pop to Luffy’s barrel. Pop: FALCON PU!!! (He starts his punch) Luffy pops out and pwns Pop while interrupting him as everyone is surprised) '' '' Luffy: That attack is too slow!! Luffy looks at the guy that he pwned. Luffy: Hmph. Down already? Pep and Pup are surprised. Luffy: So I won the match? (He said to Pep and Pup) Pep and Pup: 'What kind of wine are you?!!! ''(Irritated) '''Luffy: Hey you, What are you doing in my show? (He said to Coby) Pep: Get him!! They raise their swords '' '' '' '''Coby:' Gasp Luffy: Huh? And swing their swords to attack Luffy. And the swords broke. (Sword breaking sound effect) Pep and Pup are shocked Luffy: You call yourselves swordsmen?! I’m not even bleeding! You’re never be in my crew! I’ll kick your asses. Pep and Pup run as they drag Pop with them screaming. Both: AHHHHHHHHH!!! The wine is too strong!!! Coby: Who are you? Luffy: I’m Monkey D. Luffy. Annnnnndd I’m hungry. Coby thinking:' ''Here’s my chance. At last, someone will call me by my real name. '' '' '''Coby:' My name is.. Luffy: Hey Sakura. ''Coby thinking: God damn it! (Crying tone) '' '' ''Sounds of him crying '' '' Coby: But my name is… Luffy smelling for food. Luffy: Don’t care. Where’s the food? Coby holds onto him trying to tell him his real name as Luffy moves towards to the food storage room. Coby: But listen to me! Luffy: Hey, Sakura. Let’s roleplay. The door is Homer and you’re Bart. Coby: But what does the Simpsons have to do with …Wait. The door? Door slams on Coby’s neck as Luffy walks out. Door slam sound effect '' '' Coby: Ahagrahgha (He’s being choked to death) Scene: The food storage room. Luffy: Food!!! Oh my God!!! An endless barrel of Apples!!! Coby: Thanks for almost killing me! Now, let me tell you my life’s story. Luffy: An endless barrel of Apples!!! Coby’s flashback. Coby: '''2 years ago, I was in a mood for fishing so I ….. '''Luffy: An endless barrel of Apples!!! Coby: Hey! Have some courtesy to listen to my… (irritated) Luffy: I ''SAIDDD ''an endless barrel of APPLES!!! (very irritated tone) What part of food being more important than you', DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?!!!!!' Coby: 'Sorrrry…..let’s talk about you instead ''(dispirited tone) '''Luffy: Never thought you asked! (Happy tone) Scene: Alvida pirate hoarding all stolen goods on the deck. Alvida: Move faster or else you’re meet my iron mace… and DEATH!!! Scene changes to another character. Death from Soul Eater: Hi! Would you like to read a poem? Everyone else: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! ' ' Scene changes back ' ' Pep and Pup are coming out of small opening leading to the deck. Pep and Pup: Captain Alvida!!! ' ' We were opening a wine barrel and…. Alvida: What?!!! You were drinking without me?!!! (angry tone) She throws her mace but instead it hits Pop who was just coming out. (HIT SOUND EFFECT) Pop: AHHHHHH Pop was sent flying to the ocean and the mace lands on Pep and Pup’s heads. '' ''(HIT SOUND EFFECT) Pep: No but the wine beat the ever-loving crap out of us! Alvida: Huh? Scene: Back to Luffy and Coby. Luffy: I going to be the Pirate King and TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!! (demon voice) Coby: The world?!!! Wait a minute.. If you’re going to be the Pirate King….then why did you have a barrel instead of a ship? Luffy: Shut up! It’s only thing I could afford!! (Crying whiny voice) Coby: You can’t take over the world. The 4kids Navy has already done that. They’re too evil!!! You have to be incredibly strong, (Luffy nods) smart,'' (Luffy nods)'' '''''FMF coughing Liar '' '' And brave.'' (Luffy nods)'' It’s impossible, I tell ya. Impossible. Impossible. Impossi… Luffy: Shut up! (POW sound effect) Luffy hits Coby as he interrupts his rambling. Punch sound effect HyoKinDama: Thank you! Coby: Whyyyyy?! (whiny voice) Luffy: Because I CAN!!! Coby: Why does everyone hates me? Luffy: Because I CAN! Coby: Is that your answer to everything? ' ' Luffy: No, this is! POW! (Luffy punches Cody in the head yet again) ' ' Coby: '''OW! '''Luffy: Bored now! Well, I going to get away from you before I catch your uselessness. Coby: Luffy! You’re right! It’s about time I do something. He caught Luffy’s attention. Do you think I can become a strong-willed man like you?!!! (serious tone) Luffy snorting Luffy building up laughter ' ' Luffy: '''HahahaaaaaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…… ''Subtitles Screen: 10 mins later.'' '''Luffy: HAHAHAHAHA…. Coby: Stop it!!! (dispirited tone) Luffy: Waiiiiit, you were serious?! Coby: Not anymore (more dispirited tone) CRASH!!! Alvida crashes through the ceiling.'' '' '' '''Alvida: What a joke! You being important!! Coby cowers. Coby: AHhhhhhhh (scared while laughing with tension) Alvida: Grrrrr. Swords go through the wall that Luffy was close to as they misses him. Pirate #1: Did we get him? Pirate #2: Are you kidding me? Since whenever we no names can hit the main character?! Alvida: Sakura!!! Who’s the most beautiful woman in the world?! Coby: Well, it’s you, of… Luffy: Hey, can I have your autograph?!!! He points at her. ''DON!!!! Everyone is surprised he said that.'' Frankenstein: Seriously?!! Alvida: Wow. Nobody asked me that before. ..Ah….Whom do I make it out to? Luffy: '''Make it out to Monkey D. Luffy. '''Alvida: Ah huh. She’s writing. '' '' Luffy: By Jabba the Hutt, Uncle Phil, Peter Griffin,… Alvida getting more angry veins by the second. (Popping sound effects) '' '' Annnd who am I forgetting?... Oh yeah! Fat Bas-!!! Alvida: You brrrraaaaat!!! (Angry) She swings her mace down but Luffy dodges and brings Coby with as he jumps onto the deck. '' '' Coby: Ahhhhh!!! (He screams as he got picked up by Luffy) Luffy: Hehe (as he smiles) ''Luffy thinking: Wait a minute! Why the hell did I bring her with me? '' '' '''Frankenstein:' Why you little… Luffy beats him Narrator: KO!!! (SSBB voice clip) Luffy punched another guy. Coby screams again. Luffy dodges 4 pirates’ attack. '' '' Luffy: Whoa Pirate #1: Sneak attack!!! Luffy: He grabs his head '' '' '' '''Pirate #1:' Damn it! It didn’t work! And throws him at the pirates like bowling. (Pins hit sound) ' ' Pirates hitted: '''AHughUoooouiiiii Thump '''Luffy: Huh? A lot more Alvida pirates appear behind him. Then he runs away. Luffy: Ahhhhh! Oh why couldn’t it be fan girls instead?! Luffy hand grabs pole and his arm stretchs. Crew: Huh? They look at this hand and him back and forth confused '' '' Luffy: AhhhouuuuHeeeeOuuuuheee HeeeeOuuuuheee Crew: AHHHHH. FREEEAAAAK!!! Luffy: That's not nice! GOMU GOMU Nooooooooooooooooahhhh ROCKEETOOOOO!!!!! '''''Subtitles attack and rocket launch sound effect. Alvida and Coby surprised:'' kekeeee? '''Coby:' Luffy, What the hell are you? Luffy: I’m the main character!!!...made of rubber. Alvida: You ate the devil fruit, didn’t you? Luffy: No Alvida: 'Arrgh! ''(irritated from his sarcastic response) So the rumors about devil fruits are true. Are you a pirate? Nami making her getaway with stolen treasure as they talk. '''Luffy: Duh! Alvida: Argghh!!! (She’s getting angrier) Coby: Luffy, let’s run. Luffy: Why? Coby: Because she’s … Coby is thinking of what Luffy is said before… Luffy: No! Luffy hits him. Punch sound effect and scratch record effect Bad Sakura! Coby: Whaaatttt?! (whiny tone) Luffy: No flashbacks allowed!!! Alvida: I’m what, Sakura? Coby: Nostalgia critic rant Alvida’s crew surprised and she’s angry. Luffy: Hahahahaha, are you kidding? You’re even uglier than her. Just wait until she eats a devil fruit later. Luffy keeps laughing. Coby: Then I’ll kick your BIG fat ass when I become a pirate alongside him. Luffy: Hahaha...(scratch record)…''what?! '''Alvida: '''I'm going to kill you!!!! '''HyoKinDama:' Please do! Coby: Ahhhh!!! Luffy got hit by Alvida’s iron mace. Luffy’s Head Hit Count: 6 Luffy: Why the hell did you hit me instead, you fat BITCH?!!!! Alvida: What? (surprised that her attack didn’t work on Luffy) Luffy hits her mace back. '' '' DEATH KILL：GOMU GOMU NOOOO PISTOOLLLLL!!!! Pistol sound effect Alvida: AHHHHHHHHHH!!! Blasting off into the sea Scene: Pop floating in the ocean Pop: Ahhhh, feels so nice. The weather is just….. Huh, what’s that. A meteor? OH MY G….. Alvida lands on him Movie clip: Meteor hitting causing big shockwave across Earth scene '' '' PFFFFFFTTTT ' ''Luffy’s arm stretch back to normal while Alvida’s crew still shocked. Don!!! 4kidsNavy ships shoot cannons and shockwaves affect ship. '''Luffy: Hey! Crew: Yes? Luffy: Give me a boat! Crew: We’ll give it to you if you take her with you. Luffy: God damn it!! I guess I got no choice. The 4kidsNavy are coming. Come on, you piece of….. Cannonball lands near Luffy’s and Nami’s boat Scene: Luffy and Coby on boat successfully escaped. '' '' '' '' Coby: Hey, Luffy. Where are we going? Luffy: To the next episode! Hopefully it’s a place where I could cause massive amount of chaos and get some ice cream! Coby: But that still doesn’t mean you know where we are going! And you can’t break the 4th wall like that! And another thing- Luffy hits him. Coby: Owww!!!! Luffy: Shut up, Sakura!!! Coby: WHHHHHYYYY?!!!! (Loud whining tone) Luffy: Because''' ' you’re pissing me off!!! ''(Very Irritated tone) Hmmmm….I think I’m forgetting something. Scene: Next stop. 4kidsNavy Morgan’s headquarters. Zoro’s scene. '' ''Zoro anticipating his name being mentioned. '' '' He punches Fat bastard from episode 1 of OPTA. Luffy: Well. That takes care of everything worth mentioning to the plot. Zoro: You son of a b…''(interrupted by ending screen)'' End title Scene: After Nami kick Jon in the nuts. Jon: WHY?!! MOM?!!! WHY?!!!! Luffy’s Head Hits Counts so far: 6 Extra 1: BEHIND THE SCENES: ABRIDGED MAKING WARNING: IF YOU WANT TO BE A MALE ACTOR, DO NOT WATCH THIS. BUT WATCH IT ANYWAY! FMF: Nami kicking Jon’s balls: TAKE 1! Jon: Huh. You’re pretty, Will you be my girlfriend? Nami kicking Jon’s balls. Narrator: REJECTED!!! Jon: Oh God, it hurts! ' ' HKD: No no no! We can’t use that! Little Kuriboh uses that word! FMF: You’re right. TAKE 2! Jon: Not again! DENIED!!! FMF: Still not right! Let’s try this again. Nami, this time, I want you to kick him EVEN HARDER Jon: Oh God! TAKE 3 PWNED!!! ' ' TAKE4 KO!!! ' ' SUCKS TO BE YOU!! OBJECTION!!! PENALITY!!! LET THE BELLS TOLL!!! FATALITY!!! NUT CRACKER HARDER!!! Jon whining Title Screen: Many takes later. ' ' TAKE 115 FAIL!!! FMF: That’s it. That’s the wrap. Good job everyone. HKD: We’ll be here next.......whenever Jon: DAMN you sons of a bitch! (squeaky voice) MOMMIENEENEENEE!! Category:Abridged